Fuck the Bones Brigade

Excuse me if I ramble a little…

The infiltration of Skateboarding by Corporate shills and conmen amuses me no end for a number of reasons…a positive thing is that it encourages debate about wider issues which is cool but not what this post is about…..

See this post to gain some background on the whole argument…

http://www.jenkemmag.com/home/2012/11/26/how-corporations-are-changing-skateboarding-and-why-it-matters/

I am amused no end by skateboarders that think that they have some kind of monopoly on truth, gnar and cool. Indeed I know they have some kind of mental block when it comes to large corporations ‘taking over’ their chosen groove…i hesitate as always to call it a sport as its not and you can see my arguments about that somewhere else…

Does the corporate takeover of skateboarding actually mean anything?

Not to me personally, I own a decent pair of Nike branded skate shoes, light good padding, grippy as fuck sole, I love them as…..

They are better than my Vans which I get out on special occasions as after a few sessions they are falling off my feet. I fully understand the grief that skaters have with this idea that ‘their’ pastime as underground and punk rock as it was now appears to be a branded lifestyle choice IF you listen to the bullshit flying around the fickle and obtuse world of the internet…

But is it as underground and as punk as we suspect? Not really….i know some people are masturbating fully over the release of the new Bones Brigade movie (haha that secret never came out did it?)….Bones Brigade yeah cool, dudes doing mad shit in California with new thane and new shit to do. It kind of set the stall out for how skateboarding should be in the future. The athletes, the training, the beautiful Cali sun where you could tweak tricks as long as the sun and your body held out….i remember buying skateboard magazine every month and dribbling over the smooth concrete and the Alva shit but really looking at the fucking blue skies they always had!

Bones Brigade was the start of the Corpo man ethic…people who had skated since the mid seventies now started their own madness and companies to skim a little of that cash from the snot nosed skate tramp reading magazines in soggy chip shop queues…

These dudes knew their shit…talk to Stacey Peralta or Tony Hawk and you immediately realise they are shilling….that half an ear on your conversation, the eyes that dart around listening for coins on the floor, the idea that deals are to be done…They weren’t financial Ninjas just yet but they were learning fast…

I’m not going to wax about the growth of the industry as its quite boring but…..since i’ve been ill and have abandoned teaching for a while I have slipped back into the world of business analytics…snapped up by one of the most cutting edge Analytics companies in Europe I spend my time preparing mathematical forecasts and statistics for companies looking for that expo growth they all desire…its cool it pays bills but more interesting is the fact that these companies with multi million dollar marketing strategies and the cream of the worlds universities working on them haven’t got a fucking clue about who they are selling to…..

They don’t know who their client base is, and that my friends is the crux of the matter when it comes to selling shit….you can have the greatest product in the world but you won’t sell it if it doesn’t appeal to your client base and all the variables that go with it…

Skateboarding is a strange beast…it moves quick, far quicker than most other pastimes as it has links with many other disparate entities like music, art, lifestyle and politics…

The political aspect is an interesting one…here in skateboarding you have a section of the skaters who involve themselves fully with the Political lifestyle of skateboarding. They wear Vans and nothing else, they ingratiate themselves with the aura of listless California skate tithead by functioning as a walking skate meme….they know what they like, they know how they wish to be perceived so they can comfortably operate in a skate environment…

Seeing as they have paid the price, got the scars, the stories and the Independent Truck pool ashtray they are well positioned to tell you how it should be, as THEY KNOW BEST!

Of course they don’t, nobody should listen to anybody who combines skateboarding with a career in anything, including me. I hate Scooters in the skatepark but I love the kids who do it, they don’t care about you in your Vans and your weekend tattoos and spunky gel head or your boring back in the day stories….they are perhaps the new skateboarders who dont skateboard…

They have neatly side stepped the fucking depressing hierarchy of modern skateboarding and the corporate shit fest of Nike and Adidas getting involved….you see skateboarding aint about Punka Rocka no more or sniffing glue under the rampage….its about Dads taking their kids to the skatepark, Moms sipping iced Lattes under umberellas while some numb nut kid with a stupid name who needs a haircut skulls around the park on his top dollah gear…

I might be wrong but I think the Bones Brigade started the whole shebang or the rocky road to Starbucks-Sk8 and mostly for the simple reason that the Bones Brigade meme is a fucking circle jerk of old men talking about how important they were (as they listen for those rolling coins on the floor)

Here’s the pay off…..nobody fucking owns skateboarding and they never will…If Adidas put out a decent shoe thats cheap and holds together long enough I will buy them same with Nike. If Vans put out a shoe that lasts longer than a month I will buy them too (if they are cheap)

It’s cool to support Skater owned business but they don’t really have anything to do with skateboarding as they have put themselves into a position where they are little goldfish in the pond….when you feed your fish you don’t separate the lil ones so they get fed the same as the big ass carps…you just throw the pellets in and good luck to the fishes who get a pellet or two. They are feeders….lil fish steal food grow big and start stealing pellets of the lil fish…

Shit I cant get to the point I apologise….

Buy what’s cheap. Define what skateboarding is to you then throw that idea out. Skateboarding is not Punka Rocka anymore. Vans are shit. Fuck the Bones Brigade. Fuck the Z boys. Fuck Adidas. Fuck Nike. Fuck Vans. Skateboard in clogs. Skateboard naked. Carry your board everywhere. Dont carry it. Throw it away. Go Trout fishing instead. If the owner of the skater owned company doesnt skate with you dont buy their shit but buy their shit and love it, love them, who cares, hate them…

You see, skateboarding is the most creative and rewarding pastime ever…do you really think that some Zedhead corporation is gonna twist your nipple over what you do? The world of rolling around on a board has changed…they tell you where to skate and how and when and that they know best as they organise shit and do their homework, they know better than you, so get in that line, heres a bag with a t-shirt and a shit poster, heres a can of energy drink that will kill you eventually, we know best, we have organised, we know best as we know, we have the magazines to thrust our shit upon you, our ideas are stinking with cash to be made. We are the new elite of this pastime, this sport, this strange thing about rolling around, we are punk rockers with tattoos and a wallet full of Daddy cash, we Yoga!Do You???? We ingratiate ourselves with technology, we are the new fascists here to tell you what to think, get in line, take your goodie bag, have you paid? You must pay! Give us your paypal details, let us know what goes on in your head, give us your money, get in line, there’s points at stake, airports to skate as we travel the world, give us your soul! Do you really listen to Slayer? Have you got a license? Have you paid your skateboard tax yet? How can we grow the sport without your cash? Give us your money buy our shit, Like this on Facebook, tell your friends, invite them to come, wear Vans, get tattoos, get Dad to pay for it, go HDPRO, go GoPro, go Apple Mac, go Starbucks, go Gonz, go Metallica @ £120 a ticket…go get fucked go and skateboard with your friends somewhere dark, cold and wet.

4 thoughts on “Fuck the Bones Brigade

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